That’s right. FOR the faint of heart. Because we need some Hallowe’en love too, even if we don’t quite reciprocate (firecrackers and ghost stories? Nope, none of that). Unless the “scary movie” is one that’s satirizing the genre and is full of comedic scenes (ie, the Scream series or The Cabin in the Woods) I will politely say, “Fuck no”. So if you’re like me and can’t even handle watching the trailer for The Woman in Black at midday in the middle of a crowded school cafeteria, while everyone else is having their Friday the 13th marathons, I hope you can enjoy my top five not-the-least-bit-terrifying Hallowe’en-themed movies and TV episodes.
- The Magic School Bus “In the Haunted House” – I won’t lie: this used to give me chills when I was younger. But c’mon now, I was probably only five years old. And sounds are scary.
- Recess “The Terrifying Tales of Recess” – This also used to scare me. I would lay awake at night in constant fear of the zombie Finsters. I was not as young. (This was last night)
- It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown – I really don’t remember what happens in this. Linus gives some great speech about believing in the Great Pumpkin or something (which was probably a scene written for the Christmas special, but instead regarding Santa Claus, but they decided to go with a religious-tone instead because…Merry Christmas)? In any case, all you really need to know is that Charlie Brown got a rock and it’s the most applicable line from any TV special ever. [note: I give you full permission to skip over the parts where Snoopy is the Red Baron. If Chuck isn’t receiving rocks in lieu of candy, it’s not worth it.]
- The Rocky Horror Picture Show – One day I’d like to go to one of those screenings where you throw stuff at the screen or where people perform it in front of the movie. But I don’t really like dressing up, and I feel like if I didn’t people would make fun of me.
- Young Frankenstein – “ROLL, ROLL, ROLL IN ZE HAY.” That joke used to fly right over my head. It’s a good thing I’m mature enough for Mel Brooks humour now.
Have fun, everyone, and STAY SAFE!